33:14 Lena: Alright Miles, we've covered a lot of ground here. I'm feeling like I have a much better understanding of regret, but I'm wondering if we can get really practical. What would you say to someone who's listening to this and thinking, "Okay, this all makes sense, but what do I actually do starting tomorrow?"
33:32 Miles: That's perfect, Lena. Let's create a practical roadmap. I think the key is starting small and building sustainable practices rather than trying to overhaul everything at once.
33:42 Lena: Where should someone begin?
33:43 Miles: The first step is what I call "regret inventory"—but not the kind where you list every mistake you've ever made. Instead, identify one or two regrets that feel most active in your life right now. The ones that still have emotional charge when you think about them.
33:58 Lena: So you're not trying to tackle everything at once?
4:23 Miles: Exactly. And for each of these regrets, ask yourself three specific questions: What type of regret is this—foundation, boldness, moral, or connection? What does this regret tell me about my values? And what would I do differently if I faced a similar situation today?
34:18 Lena: Those questions move you from just feeling bad to actually learning something.
7:26 Miles: Right. And then comes the daily practice piece. One of the most effective techniques is what researchers call "implementation intentions"—basically, if-then planning based on what you've learned from your regrets.
18:25 Lena: Can you give me an example?
13:00 Miles: Sure. Let's say you regret not speaking up in a meeting where you had valuable input. Your implementation intention might be: "If I'm in a meeting and I have something to contribute, then I will write it down and commit to saying it before the meeting ends."
34:52 Lena: So you're creating a specific action plan based on the lesson from your regret?
4:23 Miles: Exactly. And research shows that people who create these kinds of specific plans are much more likely to actually change their behavior than people who just have general intentions like "I want to be more assertive."
35:08 Lena: What about the emotional processing side? How do you work with the feelings on a daily basis?
35:13 Miles: I recommend what I call the "three-minute check-in." Each day, maybe during your morning coffee or before bed, take three minutes to notice if any regrets are active in your mind. If they are, practice that emotional labeling we talked about—just name what you're feeling without trying to fix it.
35:31 Lena: And that's enough to make a difference?
35:34 Miles: It's surprising how effective that simple practice can be. You're training your brain to notice and acknowledge difficult emotions rather than either suppressing them or getting overwhelmed by them. Over time, this builds emotional resilience.
35:48 Lena: What about when regrets feel really overwhelming? Are there emergency techniques?
5:44 Miles: Absolutely. One technique that's been shown to be effective is called "temporal distancing in the moment." When you're caught in a regret spiral, ask yourself: "How will I feel about this regret one year from now? Five years from now?"
36:07 Lena: That's the perspective-taking we talked about earlier, but applied in real-time?
7:26 Miles: Right. And there's also what's called the "best friend technique." When you notice harsh self-criticism about a regret, ask yourself: "What would I say to my best friend if they were struggling with this same regret?"
36:24 Lena: Because we're usually much kinder to others than we are to ourselves.
4:23 Miles: Exactly. And then you literally practice saying those same compassionate words to yourself. It sounds simple, but it can be remarkably effective at interrupting self-attack patterns.
36:40 Lena: What about the longer-term work? How do you build regret resilience over time?
36:45 Miles: One practice I really recommend is what's called "values clarification." Spend some time—maybe once a month—reflecting on what matters most to you and whether your current choices are aligned with those values.
36:57 Lena: So you're using your regrets to help you stay on track going forward?
7:26 Miles: Right. And there's also the practice of "prospective regret"—before making important decisions, take a moment to imagine how you might feel about each option in the future. Not to paralyze yourself, but to make sure you're considering all angles.
37:15 Lena: That seems like it would help you make more thoughtful choices.
37:18 Miles: It does, and it also reduces the likelihood of being blindsided by regret later. You've already considered the potential downsides, so you're making a more informed choice.
37:27 Lena: What about people who feel like they have too many regrets to process? Where do you even start?
37:33 Miles: In those cases, I'd recommend starting with what I call "regret triage." Focus first on regrets that are still affecting your current relationships or life choices. Those are the ones that will give you the most immediate relief when processed.
37:47 Lena: So you prioritize based on current impact rather than trying to go chronologically through your life?
4:23 Miles: Exactly. And remember, you don't have to process every regret you've ever had. Some regrets naturally fade over time, and that's okay. The goal isn't to achieve a regret-free life—it's to develop a healthy relationship with regret as a normal part of human experience.
38:10 Lena: That takes a lot of pressure off. Any final practical tips?
38:14 Miles: One thing I always tell people is to celebrate small wins in this process. If you notice yourself being more self-compassionate about a mistake, or if you speak up in a situation where you previously would have stayed quiet—acknowledge those moments. Change often happens gradually, and recognizing progress helps sustain the process.
38:35 Lena: So you're building positive momentum rather than just focusing on what you're trying to fix.
7:26 Miles: Right. And remember, developing a healthier relationship with regret is a skill like any other. It takes practice, and there will be setbacks. The goal is progress, not perfection.