35:25 Lena: Okay Miles, we've covered a lot of ground here—reciprocity, commitment, social proof, authority, liking, scarcity, and storytelling. But I'm thinking about our listeners who might be feeling a bit overwhelmed. How do you actually put all this into practice without it feeling calculated or manipulative?
35:46 Miles: That's such a crucial question, Lena. And honestly, the best approach is to start small and focus on authenticity rather than trying to deploy every technique at once. I always tell people to pick one principle that resonates with them and practice it genuinely for a few weeks.
36:03 Lena: So if someone wanted to start with reciprocity, what would that look like day-to-day?
36:08 Miles: Perfect example. You might commit to doing one small, helpful thing for a colleague each day—sharing a relevant article, making an introduction, offering to review something they're working on. No agenda, no immediate ask. Just genuine value-add. After a couple of weeks, notice how those relationships have shifted.
36:27 Lena: And the key is that it has to be genuine, right? If you're keeping a mental scorecard of who owes you what, you've missed the point.
4:37 Miles: Exactly. The moment it becomes transactional, it stops being ethical influence and starts being manipulation. The goal is to build relationships where influence flows naturally because people trust you and want to collaborate with you.
36:50 Lena: What about for someone who wants to work on their authority? How do you build credible influence without coming across as arrogant?
36:58 Miles: Start by becoming genuinely curious about areas outside your expertise. Ask questions in meetings, acknowledge when others know more than you do, and share your reasoning process when you make recommendations. People trust experts who are humble about the limits of their knowledge.
37:15 Lena: So it's about demonstrating competence while remaining teachable?
29:39 Miles: Perfect way to put it. And here's a practical exercise: next time you're in a meeting where someone asks a question you don't know the answer to, resist the urge to guess or deflect. Say "That's a great question, and I don't have that data. Let me find out and get back to you." Then actually follow through.
37:38 Lena: That builds trust because people know they can rely on the accuracy of your information.
8:32 Miles: Right. And when you do have expertise to share, people listen more carefully because they know you're not just making things up. Now, what about commitment and consistency? How would someone practice that ethically?
37:55 Lena: I think it starts with how you run meetings and make decisions. Instead of presenting your solution and asking for buy-in, you present the challenge and genuinely invite input on solutions. Even if you have strong ideas about the best approach.
11:43 Miles: Yes! And here's a specific technique: try the "build on" approach. When someone suggests an idea that's different from what you were thinking, instead of immediately explaining why your approach is better, say "That's interesting, let me build on that..." and find ways to incorporate their thinking into the solution.
38:30 Lena: Because when people feel like they've contributed to the solution, they're invested in making it work.
4:37 Miles: Exactly. And often you end up with better solutions because you're combining multiple perspectives instead of just pushing your original idea.
38:44 Lena: What about social proof? How do you highlight positive examples without it feeling like teacher's pet favoritism?
2:32 Miles: Great question. Focus on specific behaviors rather than general praise, and rotate who you highlight. Instead of "John is doing great work," try "I noticed John's approach to client follow-up—he sends a recap within 24 hours with clear next steps. That's really strengthening our client relationships."
39:09 Lena: So you're highlighting the behavior you want to see more of, not just praising the person.
8:32 Miles: Right. And when you're specific about what made the behavior effective, other people can actually learn from the example rather than just feeling like someone else got recognition.
39:22 Lena: Now let's talk about the liking principle. How do you build genuine connections without it feeling forced or strategic?
39:30 Miles: Start with curiosity rather than chemistry. You don't have to be best friends with everyone, but you can be genuinely interested in their perspective, their challenges, their expertise. Ask questions and actually listen to the answers.
39:46 Lena: And remember details about what people share with you?
11:43 Miles: Yes! If someone mentions they're working on a challenging project, follow up about it the next week. If they share that they're excited about a new initiative, ask how it's going. These small acts of attention build connection over time.
40:03 Lena: What about scarcity? How do you create appropriate urgency without pressure tactics?
40:08 Miles: Focus on transparency about real constraints and opportunities. Instead of manufactured deadlines, explain the genuine business factors that make timing important. "If we can get approval by Friday, we can start implementation before the busy season. If not, we'll need to wait until January."
40:25 Lena: So you're giving people the information they need to make smart decisions about priorities.
4:37 Miles: Exactly. And when people understand the real stakes, they often become more creative about finding solutions rather than just feeling pressured.
40:37 Lena: Alright, let's bring this all together. If someone wanted to develop their ethical influence skills over the next 30 days, what would you recommend?
40:46 Miles: Here's a simple framework: Pick one influence principle to focus on each week. Week one, practice genuine reciprocity—look for ways to add value with no expectation of return. Week two, work on building authentic authority by being more transparent about your reasoning and more curious about others' expertise.
41:04 Lena: Week three could be social proof—look for opportunities to highlight specific positive behaviors you want to see more of.
41:11 Miles: Perfect. And week four, focus on storytelling—start collecting authentic examples from your work that illustrate the points you want to make in future conversations.
41:20 Lena: The key is practicing these as genuine relationship-building tools, not manipulation tactics.
8:32 Miles: Right. And here's what's beautiful about this approach—when you focus on authentic influence, you don't just get better business results. You build stronger relationships, create more positive work environments, and become the kind of leader people actually want to follow.