What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication by Judith Hanson Lasater & Ike K. Lasater Summary

1. Replace blame with empathetic observation to resolve conflicts nonviolently.
2. Judith Lasater's NVC model prioritizes compassionate honesty over reactive confrontation.
3. Transform relationships by expressing needs without blame using NVC principles.
4. "Right speech" combines yoga's satya and ahimsa for ethical communication.
5. Distinguish feelings from thoughts to access core needs in dialogues.
6. Convert demands into actionable requests to foster cooperative solutions.
7. Self-empathy practices clarify personal needs before engaging others.
8. Nonviolent communication bridges Buddhist mindfulness with modern conflict resolution.
9. Avoid "you" statements; frame conversations around shared human needs.
10. Teachers enhance student trust through NVC's observation-feeling-need framework.
11. Workplace collaboration improves when replacing criticism with need-based language.
12. Spiritual growth comes through speech that heals rather than harms.

About the Author of What We Say Matters

Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike K. Lasater, authors of What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication, are renowned experts in mindfulness-based communication and conflict resolution.

Judith is a doctor of East-West psychology, a physical therapist, and a pioneering yoga instructor. She co-founded Yoga Journal and has authored 11 books, including the influential Relax and Renew® and Yogabody. Ike is a mediator and lawyer who trained directly with Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and integrates these principles with his expertise in Aikido.

Their book merges yogic philosophy, Buddhist ethics, and NVC techniques to help readers transform communication into a compassionate spiritual practice. Judith’s decades of teaching yoga therapeutics and Ike’s conflict resolution workshops for organizations underscore their authority. Their collaborative work has been adopted by mindfulness educators, therapists, and leadership coaches worldwide, solidifying What We Say Matters as a modern classic in interpersonal communication literature.

FAQs About What We Say Matters

What is What We Say Matters by Judith Hanson Lasater about?

What We Say Matters explores the intersection of yoga philosophy and mindful communication, offering practical tools for fostering empathy and connection. Co-authored with her daughter Lizzie Lasater, the book integrates Nonviolent Communication (NVC) principles with yogic teachings like the Yamas and Niyamas, emphasizing how language shapes relationships. It includes exercises to help readers replace habitual reactions with conscious, compassionate dialogue.

Who should read What We Say Matters?

This book is ideal for yoga practitioners, teachers, and anyone seeking to improve personal or professional relationships through mindful speech. It’s particularly valuable for those interested in blending Eastern philosophy with modern communication techniques, as well as individuals navigating conflicts or leadership roles.

Is What We Say Matters worth reading?

Yes, the book is praised for its actionable insights into transforming communication patterns. It provides a unique synthesis of yoga ethics and NVC, supported by real-life examples and reflective practices. Readers gain frameworks to cultivate authenticity and reduce interpersonal friction, making it a standout resource in personal development literature.

What are the key concepts in What We Say Matters?

• Nonviolent Communication (NVC): A method for expressing needs without blame.
• Yamas/Niyamas: Ethical guidelines from yoga philosophy, such as Satya (truthfulness) and Ahimsa (non-harm).
• Mindful Listening: Techniques to engage empathetically, avoiding reactive responses.

The book bridges these concepts to help readers align speech with intention.

What are notable quotes from What We Say Matters?

• “Words can either deepen connection or create separation.”
• “Listening is an act of love, not just a skill.”

These quotes underscore the book’s focus on speech as a tool for healing rather than conflict.

What criticisms exist about What We Say Matters?

Some readers note that the integration of yoga philosophy may feel niche for those unfamiliar with Eastern practices. Additionally, the NVC framework requires consistent practice to master, which could challenge readers seeking quick fixes.

How can principles from What We Say Matters improve relationships?

The book teaches reframing judgments into observations and expressing needs clearly. For example, replacing “You’re irresponsible” with “I feel anxious when deadlines are missed” reduces defensiveness. Such shifts foster mutual understanding and trust in personal or professional settings.

How does What We Say Matters compare to other communication books?

Unlike Crucial Conversations (focused on workplace dynamics) or Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication, this book uniquely ties communication to yoga ethics. It’s ideal for readers seeking a spiritual dimension to interpersonal skills.

Why is What We Say Matters relevant in 2025?

In an era dominated by digital communication and polarization, the book’s emphasis on empathy and mindfulness addresses modern challenges like miscommunication on social media and remote work conflicts. Its principles promote clarity and compassion in fast-paced environments.

What expertise does Judith Hanson Lasater bring to What We Say Matters?

Lasater draws on 50+ years as a yoga teacher, physical therapist, and Ph.D. in East-West Psychology. Her deep understanding of body-mind connection and ethical living informs the book’s practical yet philosophically rich approach.

What are key takeaways from What We Say Matters?

• Prioritize listening over reacting.
• Use “I” statements to express feelings without blame.
• Align speech with core values like kindness and honesty.

These practices help build more authentic connections.

How can What We Say Matters aid workplace communication?

The book’s frameworks help teams navigate feedback, resolve conflicts, and foster psychological safety. For instance, applying Satya (truthfulness) encourages transparent yet respectful dialogue, improving collaboration and reducing misunderstandings.

What is the structure of What We Say Matters?

The book blends theory, personal anecdotes, and exercises like journal prompts and role-playing scenarios. Each chapter focuses on a specific Yama or Niyama, paired with NVC techniques, creating a roadmap for incremental growth.

What long-term impacts can What We Say Matters have on readers?

By internalizing its principles, readers often report improved emotional resilience, stronger relationships, and heightened self-awareness. The integration of mindfulness and communication fosters lasting habits of intentional living.